Tuesday, July 15, 2008

It's been a tough year for the Betties, but after a long, cold winter skating on the cracked concrete of the brewery, and drinking some of Toronto's finest ale; the Smoke City Betties are ready to take on the assassins, pirates and greedy bankers that make up some of the meanest teams in Roller Derby.

Last season was a good one for the Betties. Our super powers were in full force as our jammers tore up the track and our blockers demonstrated their super human strength.... the Betties were a force to be reckoned with. Slaughter Lauder, Memphis Kitty and the legendary Jewl Kicker proved their jamming abilities by leaving their opponents eating the smoke of their skates, and wafting in clouds of dust and fear.

The season left us Betties with a taste of victory on our tongues and pride in our hearts, yet the winter came and it proved to be a cold one. Two of the finest skaters in all of Toronto; Lucky Lauder (pivot, and superhero extraordinaire) and Emrock (co-captain, jammer, and one of the fastest skaters on this side of the galaxy) decided to leave the sport in search of other adventures. The rest of us Betties were left to seek out new super human skaters to add to our roster and take into our family.

Sue Deuce, Municipal Waster and MsTree Malteaser are the three newest members of our pack. Everyday, with the guidance and help of the founding members of the Smoke City Betties, their powers grow and their speed increases. Sue's eyes glow a fiery red when she concentrates on the enemy, and she can almost take anyone out of the game with a single glance. Waster's strength has increased to the point where she can throw her opponent off of the track with minimal effort, barely making full contact, and Malteaser is on her way to becoming one of the best jammers in Toronto.

Sure it can be a little hectic adding new people to the pack dynamic; and all teams have their ups and downs.... but we skate in a pack now and are all up to the same speed. Sometimes it takes a few bumps on the track to re-align the wheels... like when we underestimated the skills of the Gore Gore Rollergirls; the dead cabaret performers in leopard print polyester. That was a tough break for the Betties. While we were hanging at the clubhouse during the winter, they were in roller derby speed training mode. As they got faster on that track, the Gores could feel our shock and amazement and began to feed off our super powers, leaving us low on energy.

We came back to the track to face off with the Death Track Dolls. Their team grew in numbers and in strength and we had an absolute blast playing a team that was almost as equal in skill and defense to us Betties. Alas, the game ended up as a tie; the first ever tie in Toronto Roller Derby history! Unfortunately, the penalties we accumulated by tapping in to our super human abilities left us short players in the overtime jam and we ended up short three points to the Death Track Dolls. Dyna Hurtcha even got ejected from the game for being too powerful and letting her strength overpower her mind...... it happens.

Tomorrow we take on the Dvas who also have a pretty good team this year, even though they lost many players to secret service assassination reassignment across the globe. Despite the Dvas strong defense and new found speed, we have a secret weapon against them; Goldie Lock N'Load. Goldie used to be a Dva, but after realizing she could tap into a source of unexplainable strength, she decided to join up with the Betties and fight the good fight (with the better team). Goldie is thirsty for some Dva blood, and these assassins will be black and blue after the Betties skate over them.

I'll be sure to keep you posted.... until then...... SMOKE THIS!


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